We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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