So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is wine microwaveable?
We are two peas in an std pod
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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