My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
