Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
