the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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