Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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