saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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