My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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