I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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