im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
