I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
birth control should be required to get into college
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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