Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
