so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
