8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
