I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
