The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
