I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
