Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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