It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
