I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
