one two three fourrrrnication!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
