I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
