So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
