Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
