I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
