I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
two words...techno handjob
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
