Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
