Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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