Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
