i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
