i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
