I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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