GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
