There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
