i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
