Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
