good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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