You're completely useless in the revolution.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
