I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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