i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
