i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
