yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
