break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
