Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
