Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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