I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
