I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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