if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think my moral compass just broke
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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