You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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