Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
