If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
