She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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