I cannot find my penis.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
